Open Letter to Self

This last weekend I shared a message regarding God’s call for us to love difficult people. I ended the message by sharing a letter that was written to me. Only after I had finished reading the letter did most realize that I myself had written it.  I shared with our church that I’m the most difficult person I know. As you read my letter below, think about what would you write if you were going to be gut level honest with yourself about areas Christ wants to grow you.

Dear Nathan,

No one ever likes to sit down and write a letter like this, but I thought I would be doing a bigger disservice to you by not being honest and just acting like everything was fine. So here goes:

You are one of the most difficult people I know…..and I know a lot of people. On a regular basis you seem to push your opinion onto others and can come off somewhat arrogant. This makes you come across as manipulative and as trying to push your own agenda onto others. It’s incredibly frustrating when I see you leverage your people skills to get things done.

Your insecurities seem to shine brightest when you are critical of others and how they go about doing things. You always seem to think you are all knowing and know exactly what should be done. Did you ever realize that God has gifted others in the church besides you? What’s worse is that you mask your critical comments by saying, “you only want to further the work of the church”, when really you only mask your own insecurities.

You can really be a needy leech at times. You can be borderline narcissistic in your need for approval from others. Fishing for compliments is not my idea of walking in humility. Your constant need to please other people not for their sake but your own is really contrary to the “Man of God” that you desire to be.

So before you go running off to complain about someone else’s difficult behavior and before you begin to change other people, take a good long uncomfortable look inside yourself. Confess to the Lord your sin, Ask him to forgive you, and make better choices in how you treat people. I say all this in such a brutally honest fashion because I know that you know yourself better than anyone…….other than Christ. Christ knows you for who you are and who you long to be. With God’s Love, grace and mercy I believe you’ll get there.

Yours Truly,

Nathan

God Shows Love Through Correction Too

Last week while upstairs ironing a shirt I heard a pop downstairs followed by yelling and crying. My oldest son had hit my youngest son in the face out of anger. I sent him to my room to wait for me. He knew what was coming. I took my time. (I never spank my kids while angry.) Once in the room I shared with him my deep love for him and why he was being spanked. My 7yr old understood clearly that I loved him and because I loved him I needed to correct his behavior.

No one likes to be corrected. I know I don’t. Even if I know I’m wrong I can feel my pride invading every fiber of my being when someone points out a  mistake (even a small one) to correct me. Why is that my 7yr old can understand the idea of sowing and reaping, poor judgement and correction, but as adults we many times don’t have the ability to receive correction well?

Obviously, pride is the main issue and hardly needs explanation. A secondary issue that I believe is not addressed is motivation. Many of us cannot receive correction from others because we don’t honestly believe that the person bringing the correction truly loves us. Our insecurity shines through as we tell ourselves, “They’re just on a power trip”, “Who do they think they are?”, “They don’t have the right to….”, “Why don’t you come talk to me when you’re perfect!”

But what if they really love you? What if they truly want God’s best for you? What if God is speaking through them?

Hebrews 12:5–7  ⁵ And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. ⁶ For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” ⁷ It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?   (ESV)

Proverbs 12:1  Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,but he who hates reproof is stupid.   (ESV)

Experiencing dysfunctional correction by others in the past doesn’t make correction in the present bad. God many times uses people in our lives to bring loving correction to us: spouses, friends, pastors, co-workers and even strangers.

It’s such a beautiful thing to witness someone receive correction with humility and truly own it. God help me stay in that place.

What about you? How has God brought correction to you through others? Would you mind sharing below?

>Motives….

>I’m back people!!!! Well, I’m back today. You might have noticed my last entry was Aug. 2ND. Let me explain……I had a stark realization about myself…..and it wasn’t a fun one to publicize but for the sake vulnerability and transparency here goes:

I realized that somewhere along the way in my desire to influence people through writing I began to love the feedback even more than the writing itself. I would constantly check to see if someone had “thought it was good” or “insightful”. I’d check to see how many people had visited my blog or became followers. Then one night I could smell it. It was the pungent…..oderous smell of pride. That’s the smell of wanting people to approve of me and my effort to seek out “kudos” from people. What started out as a great tool to influence people for good, turned into something that was influencing me for the bad.

Proverbs 16:2
All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight,
But the LORD weighs the motives.
NASU

The Lord weighed my motives and reminded me that HE is my supreme value.

So I’m back for now and asking Jesus to help me to continue to walk in humility so that I bring Him glory rather than be a hinderance to myself or others.

Missed you,

Nathan