Archive for the ‘relationships’ Category

>Nothing quite matches the feeling when someone close to us fails us. It draws out of us a myriad of emotions: anger, frustration, confusion, sadness….you get the idea. And when we feel like someone is letting us down or has failed us completely we many times immediately distance ourselves from them because we don’t want to deal it out. We don’t want to have to confront and call someone out on the carpet or bring correction where it’s needed. We can begin to avoid and even ignore them completely. And Depending on the severity of the wound it can sometimes take a while for us to bounce back. Being hurt is normal and we should allow ourselves the right grieve that which has been lost. With our trust for them on life support however, and us wanting so badly to stay ticked off at them we can set up a scenario for a “perfect storm” of bitterness to take up residence in our heart. Don’t let it. Bitterness and unforgiveness are bedfellows and do not play nice together.

Yes, own how you feel. Yes, confront the person with the offence but don’t hold onto it. “Forgive as Christ has forgiven you.” Surely you can think of a time when you’ve failed someone. A friend, a family member…..God. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. Forgiveness means giving up your right for pay back. Leave that to God. He’s much better at it.

Forgive,

Nathan

>The Why….

Posted: June 5, 2009 in Goals, leadership, relationships

>For a second I’d like you to think about a goal you might have, a degree you might be after, a relationship you are in. Let’s call that the “what”. Next, I’d like you to think about why you are in that relationship or why you are chasing that goal or degree. We’ll obviously call that the “why”. Not knowing the whys behind the things we are doing or want to do causes the following:

1. We won’t know the purpose behind all the efforts we are putting in.
2. We’ll get distracted by other people or things that come along.
3. We’ll give up more easily when we run into obstacles.

But if we know the “why” behind the “what” in our lives we can know exactly why we are in that relationship and exactly “why” we are in that job or chasing that goal. Take a bit and really examine why you are doing what you are doing. I think it will be worth your time.

It Matters,

Nathan

>Rear Window….

Posted: June 3, 2009 in relationships

>In the spring of my junior year in college I had a blow out on a freeway in Dallas. Frustrated at the thought of having to change a tire on the side of a freeway I made my way to my trunk and whispered a prayer that someone might pull over and help me. Sure enough, at that exact moment a car stopped just in front of me on the emergency lane. I could see two kids looking back at me in the rear window as their dad walked back to me. He said, “Have a flat tire?”, as I stood in front of my shredded blown out pile of rubber. “Ummm yeah”, I said, not wanting to point out the stupidity of his question and just thankful that he had stopped. As I bent down to take the hub cap off, he said, “I’d love to help you, but first you’re going to have to help me.” I looked up and realized that from somewhere he had pulled out a revolver. I froze……He said, “Give me all the money in your wallet.” Shaking, I reached to my back pocket and as I was pulling out my wallet I remembered that I only had a single dollar bill. With my thumbs I opened up the wallet for him to see and said, “That’s all I got.” Seeing the single dollar he got angry and I closed my eyes as he hit me in the chest with handle of the gun. He said, “You’ve got to be kidding me”. He then proceeded to take the dollar and run back to his car. I stood there with my hands still in the air watching his kids look back at me through the rear window as they drove off.
As my knees gave way to the thought of what just happened I sat down and made sure I hadn’t wet myself. Then my mind went to those kids in the rear window……..It’s been 12 years since that day on the freeway in Dallas and I still think about those kids in the rear window from time to time. Where are they? How did their life turn out? How do they view life now?

Bottom line: We never know the background of the people we interact with. Let’s make sure our interactions with them count.

It matters,

Nathan

>Do Overs….

Posted: June 1, 2009 in God, Life, relationships

>What happens when you are hit hard with the reality that life has not gone the way you had planned it? The Play of your life has not played out the way you wrote it. People aren’t reading their lines as you envisioned. Your friendships, your marriage, your family, your career…even you yourself have not turned out the way you wanted.

Sometimes things turn out better than we expected, but many times we find ourselves frustrated and discontent with how the cookie has crumbled. This discontent can leave marriages and families in ruins, careers in disarray and relationships struggling. I believe our life is made up of a combination of our choices, the choices of others and a sovereign God. While our circumstances can many times be a great motivation for us to move forward we can also end up spending way too much time looking at the past with regret and viewing the future as a fix. What we miss out on is the present. Don’t.

Live the present,

Nathan

>I’m not a huge fan of the word “no”. I don’t like to hear it and even more importantly I don’t like to say it. Because of my aversion to using “the word” I tend to use everything but “no”: yes, maybe, we’ll see, who knows, there’s an idea or I just all together ignore the question, statement or cirsumstance. Recently someone asked if they could do something and they needed my approval. To not offend them and to avoid me having to say the tough thing, that they did not have the ability to do “this thing” I said “yes”. I didn’t want to say “no” because I felt that meant potential conflict. When I avoid saying “no” when it’s called for I make myself out to be a liar because I’m saying “yes”, but inside I’m screaming “no”. When I placate people by putting them off and avoiding them, I let the issue become a wedge in my relationships. We need to be asking ourselves the motivation behind this: Is it my own insecurity? Am I intimidated by the person? Am I afraid of conflict?

Bottom Line: You can say no. The island will not blow up. Life moves on as will your relationships.

Say it with me……..No,

Nathan

>I think it’s fitting that I return to the blogosphere on Memorial Day. I put my writing on hold last week after I lost a dear friend last week. He had battled a health condition for over a decade. His name was Reid and he was 24. He had a beautiful mind and a gentle spirit.

I am reminded from his loss how we never know how much time we have here on this celestial ball. I’d like you to ponder some questions I’ve been asking myself:

Am I making time for people that I “say” I value?

Do you call many people friends but have little depth in your friendships? We make time for what is important. If people in your life are important….make time.

What does my qaulity time look like with them?

Make sure you getting past surface conversation and on to things that matter. When they’re gone we won’t care that we talked about the weather.

Is there anything I need to say or do before one of us is gone?

Ask forgiveness and forgive where it’s needed. Communicate to them how they’ve impacted your life. What have you always wanted to say or do? No more excuses…do it.

Remember,

Nathan

>Guilt Trips

Posted: May 9, 2009 in communication, relationships

>I’m not a fan of guilt trips. This form of passive manipulation paves the road to hell. (OK that was a little dramatic, I’m just not a fan). We’ve all experienced guilt trips from people (Moms are notorious) and we’ve all ended up doing things we didn’t want to do because of this tactic. People tend to use guilt as a motivator in relationships when they aren’t getting what they want and don’t have the guts to say directly what they are feeling. We must come to a place of maturity and say what we mean and realize there is a better way to get our feelings across. People in our lives are much more apt to respond to genuine communication even if that means voicing frustration and upsetting them. No more passive aggressive tactics. Own your emotions and communicate them.

After all I’ve done for you…,

Nathan
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